What Quitting should be Like

I quit.
Not really, but that's what people say when they quit. They don't say what they mean, therefore I've decided to create a form letter, a fill in the blanks if you will.

Dear (insert that souless prick who has been ruining you life here),
This letter, while hard to write, is something I've been trying to do for a while now. I have decided to persue other opportunities.
These opportunities will not include the follwing: Bottling my fury and anger towards you for three years and taking it out on my children, Secretly putting tabasco souce in your ear drops, using the rock by your parking spot to frey your break wire, actually willing bad things to happen to you, spreading the rumor that you were found naked and drunk in the accounting department's supply closet last weekend, bribing the cooks in the kitchen to put glass in your soup everytime you dragged me to another usless lunch meeting and finally, working.
I'm in the process of finding time to decide what I really want to do, and while I take this time I think it's important to note the impact this place has had on my life. I'd like to thank Judy in the front office for the great sex we had on (insert asshole co-worker's name here) desk. Also, I'm very happy I finally got that propane tank to slowly leak into your bedroom. The most importnat thing I learned here at (insert name of shithole here) was the true meaning of hate, anger, spite and malice. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, as it's given me time to wire and trigger the device under your desk.
Thanks, it was a thrill being here.
(insert your name here)

Wake Me Up When I'm Not Still Drunk...

This, while yet another little ditty about being a drunk, was concieved while I was lying in bed in a drunken haze after a hard night of drinking. It's a spoof on that over played, yet strikingly catchy tune, Wake Me Up When September Ends, by Green Day.

(and a one, and a two, and a...)

Saturday has come and past.
The Drunkeness can never last.
Wake me up when I'm not still drunk.
Like my liver's come to pass,
Eighty bucks has gone so fast.
Wake me up when I'm not still drunk.
Here comes the booze again,
Falling from my face.
Drenched in my fun again,
Becoming much less clean.
As my drunken body rests
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when I'm not still drunk.
Suaturday has come and past.
The drunkeness can never last.
Wake me up when I'm not still drunk.
Ring out the sheets again.
Like we did last weekend.
Wake me up when I'm not still drunk.
Here comes the booze again,
Falling from my face.
Drenched in my fun again,
Becoming much less clean.
As my drunken body rests,
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when I'm not still drunk.
Saturday has come and past.
The drunkeness can never last.
Wake me up when I'm not still drunk.
Like my body's gonna last.
Eight buckshas gone so fast.
Wake me up when I'm not still drunk...

Thank you Chicago!

Another GREAT song!

This is my version of that awful Goo Goo Dolls song, Better Days. It's called A-A, it's a little ditty about a guy who drinks, then tries to stop becuase his girlfriend asks him to, then relizes that she's not fun unless he's drunk. It's funny.


"A-A "

And I ask you what you want this year
And you try to make it kind of clear
Just a chance that maybe I'll go to A-A
Cuz I don't need bottles missing drinks
And gin and booze and happy things
Just a chance that maybe I'll find A-A
So take my pants
And clean them off
Cuz everytime I drink I seem to pee
Cuz tonight's the night I'm gonna stop drinkin'
And it's one kind or another of gin
And one more round of day drinkin'
And that's gin and booze and fun while we're awake
And the one poor bastard that takes my glass
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If they all just stopped and said A-A...
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz it's the last time I drink -You'll see
Cuz tonight's the night I'm gonna stop drinkin'
I wish you didn't think I was drunk
And you'd somehow maybe stopped and thunk
Maybe I don't need to go to A-A...
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz I only drink 'cause you're not fun
But tonight's the night the I would have stopped drinkin'
And tonight's the night I'm gonna keep drinkin'...

Peeing With My Boots On

Drinking through the long night
Trying to figure where my pant's gone
Now the buzz has gone. I sit drunk, barley up right,
She sucks on a bud light, glowing bronze, drinking on.
And I might be more of a man if I kept all my drinks down
And said, come on, I gotta pee.
But she’s got my pants in her hand,
And I’ve got nothing except what I have on.
When you’re peeing with your boots on
When you’re swaying in the snow storm,
It’s hard to write your name
And it’s hard to miss your boots
Trying to keep the mood right, trying to get my name with all the R's-Missed One
She zips up my pee pee, and I say it’s probably stuck now hon
She just yawns. and now there's pee on my boots
So sad I couldn't hit the tree
But I went and peed and now there's nothing left in me.
But unless the moon falls tonight, unless continents collide,
Nothing’s gonna make me, stop peeing with my boots on...

Here we go Green, here we go!
Team Green was in full effect this weekend, most recently today at Crested Butte where we rocked the mountain like a Journey concert!

Here's what we decided this weekend:
- I owe KVG one doller, he found one before I did.
- We're going to hell, for more reasons than I can possibly write.
- There are several songs about to be written that will cut these trite pop songs to their very core!
- A few of which are Bryan McNight, That guy that sings the Crazy Love song, anything by David Gray (my mortal enemy) and more!!
Never lose your keys in 5 inches of snow, unless you've got KVG with you. Or a metal detector. But more KVG.
- And, never ever eat all the Cinnamon and Brown Sugar oatmeal!!

More to come on the song front, for now though...

Go Green on three...
1
2
3
GO GREEN!

Montrose, What!!

That's right, I'm in Montrose. The bane of many, many people's existance. I'm rocking the 'Trose as hard as I can with their three bars... Hey- I do what I do.
I've come to the conclusion that KVG is right, this place will kill your soul. But not because it's a bad place, a house of evil if you will, it's because we were- no, ARE- the only 20 something in the entire "town!" And yes, I use the term "town" loosely.
Everything one reads on http://xanga.com/specialk189, or The REAL Don't send button is more true than ever before!
Although on the plus side, it's been awesome hanging out with KVG again, every time we get together I have more fun and laugh harder than I ever expected! It's really cool to see him be able to make something, if anything, out of this stink infested, 1980's stuck, bassackwards, podunk, even the red cross and salvation army working together could save this place, hell hole... And for that I give him the utmost respect.
And the fact that he always seems to show up with pants on, a feat I've yet to accomplish.

So, that's the news from the 'Trose, I guess it's news. Please await (preferably holding your breath until you pass out) some really rocking pictures of all everyone having more fun than you are right now. HA!


Go Green or Go Home!

What if you don't know what to write? What if there's nothing you can write without feeling inferior to the vast amount of actual good writing out there?
It's like trying to pee the farthest when your standing next to a group of race horses. You know your screwed, but yet you push as hard at that little bladder will go. Well that's my brain, pushing as hard as I can go. And here's what I've got.

An awesome amount of nothing. I'm amazing!

I think I'm going to get really drunk tomorrow night and see what I can't come up with. Then I'll call it art. Performance art.

Go Green!

-You Should Love This-

This is an open letter to the people of Montrose:
Please, I urge you all, stop everything you're doing this weekend. I understand that your town, being the 18th largest micro-metropolis in the country, is very newsworthy. It is, however, imperative that you all stay inside your double wides, your log cabins and your ranches this weekend.
Please, do not drive your unnecessarily large trucks that burn more diesel fuel than a cruise ship per gallon after a long night at your town bar. Please don't try cleaning your guns after having seven of "the King of Beers." Don't practice target shooting by resting those same cans on top of the propane tank that heats your home.
Please don't go "treasure hunting" in the same place you know your septic tank is located. Please refrain from teaching you child to fight a mongoose this weekend, that's something that can be taught any weekend. Please avoid any sort of spousal abuse this weekend, unless it's because you love her, then just do it in the basement and don't let her out until Monday. Again, please don't try to clean a loaded gun this weekend.
Please don't lose your backup set of teeth in the garbage disposal this weekend. Please keep your children away from the electrical outlets, just this one weekend... Please keep your dog away from the cat. Please keep the cat out of your pants. Please, just leave every animal alone.
And, again the gun thing, just don't play with them this weekend.
Finally, please ignore any and all minorities this one weekend. Please don't kill any homosexuals. Please don't kill anyone who doesn't look just like you. Please don't firebomb any houses that have people with different religions in them. Please don't kill anyone, unless it's yourself- then please do it in a field far enough away that your body won't be discovered until Tuesday.

Thank you,
The Save Kent Green Committee

P.S. Please don't come here and kill any of us either. Just don't kill anything this weekend.

Huh...

It is entirely possible that people will begin to hate us for this...yet, surprisingly I am ok with that.

In other news, its cold here!

Now back to Warren Green in the studio...Warren?

Don't Look At The Red Flag To Your Left

Do you ever wonder that some songs were written purley to be parts of a soundtrack to a silly romantic comedy? Take anything by David Gray for example. Or Twisted Sister. Okay not twisted sister, they're a totally kick ass band from the mid eighties.
This has nothing to do with anything- I just heard some total piece of pop garbage today and it made me wonder.

I'm amazing!

Welp,
I can't possibly justify this with anything other than the obligatory, "my friends were all doing it," remark. So I'll go with that until I can make this funny, or at least entertaining like watching people slip and fall on patches ice.
KG and I were discussing that there's got to be a way that we can make totally inappropriate and politically incorrect posts with some sort of way of keeping future employers or spouses, family and some of our less fun friends from knowing this is our fault.
This is no such attempt. However, I will be taking no responsibility for anything written here, unless it's funny or intelligent (both doubtful at the point).

Go Green or Go home!